I remember my mom warning my twin sister to be careful of white girls when we were teenagers because “white girls get jealous real easily and they will envy your naturally smooth, hairless legs and your silky Japanese hair and the slim frame you inherited from me, but they will never tell you this because of who we are and will try to tear you down”
As a while girl who grew up envying these things, I second the accuracy of this statement.
a trans woman’s beauty is not determined by how well she can adhere to cis-centric standards of beauty
non-whitewoman of color’s beauty is not determined by how well she can adhere to euro-centric beauty standards
have you ever just looked at someone and thought, my fucking god i adore you. i adore every goddamn ounce. i adore your bones and your soul. but I’m a loser, who just doesn’t wanna lose you. i can lose fucking everything, but not you. oh god. not you.
Never discredit your gut instinct. You’re not being paranoid. Your body can pick up vibrations, some better than others, and if something deep inside you says something’s not right about a person or situation, trust it and keep it pushing.